The National Addiction Memorial honors the loved ones we’ve lost.

My son was a beautiful baby, and he was my first born, my first true love. I miss him beyond words. I feel like part of who I am now is a grieving mother. It has been five years since he died and I was told that time cures everything. Well, if you have lost a child for any reason, you know that the one thing that time does not cure is the lose of a child. I parented Sheldon till he was 3 and then gave him to his paternal grandparents to take care of.This was to be temporary. I was a young mother. I was struggling with addiction and needed to go get clean. So I headed off to My home town without my son. I stayed sober for going on 26 years now. Sheldon grew up with his grandparents. Unfortunately, by the time I was ready to be a parent to him he had already made a life in California with his grandparents.
At 12 years old, Sheldon was showing signs of genius level computer skills. He enrolled in the local community college to take computer programming classes to make games on the computer. Sheldon was so loving, and smart. He was also very creative. He loved writing music, singing,magic. He was a boy Scout and a black belt in taekwando. Anything he tried he would become the best he could. I was not parenting Sheldon but I was seeing Sheldon about 3 to 4 times a year. The first few months back home I found out I was pregnant with a little girl. This gave sheldon a sister whom he adored. At 12, Sheldon convinced his grandparents to let him have a cosmetic surgery that would make him feel better about being overweight.This was the beginning of the addiction to opiates for Sheldon.I knew that myself being a recovering addict and sheldons dad being an addict definitely predispositioned genetically for my son and daughter to be addicts. I really did not understand what that meant. I do now.
Sheldon was also diagnosed with A.D.D. , when he was in 3rd grade. He figured out that he could trade one prescription for another. I Jump ahead about five years and my beautiful son,my first true love had acquired a love for drawing, a love for people, a love for writing and making music. He had a big secret though. He was now completly addicted to opiates and now was smoking pot and drinking.Sheldon was starting to lose himself to his addiction. As a mother living far away it was hard for me to keep him talking and communicating with me. He was a teenager and He was all about his friends, who did not know his secret. I would talk to my son about once a week and try to dig and pry about his life. He would tell me not to worry that hes walking the line being a good person. I worried so much. The last time I saw Sheldon was when he was 17 and he came to visit me and his sister for a week. I will never forget that week I had with him. I knew he was using something but I did not want to bring it up or upset him and possibly ruin his visit. My heart aches that I did not reach out to him. The next few years my son and I would talk but he became less and less engaged. His grandparents told me his grades were slipping and he was busted stealing money from them. Although when I talked to my son he never mentioned any of the problems he was having.Finally when he had dropped out of school lost all respect and trust he had from his grandparents, finally then I asked him what he was using. He was so mad at me. But I kept on. I would tell him that I love him but i don't like the addiction. I would try to seperate his behaviour from who he really was.He did tell me that he was angry with me for leaving him when he was three. He asked me how could I do that. I told him because I love him. I knew if I stayed in California that I would not ne any good for him. He was angry and nothing I said was going to make it right. I tried to reach out but he was shutting himself down. Me living in Colorado and Sheldon living in California the distance started to grow. At 21, Sheldon had moved from taking pills to shooting up heroin. This is how I lost my son my first true love. I will never forget that phone call. The phone call that would forever change my life. The phone call that completly left my heart space with sadness and turmoil and the deepest kind of hurt that I would want no one to feel. The phone call was sheldons grandmother telling me that my son had died during the night. That they found him in his room with a syringe sticking out of his arm. I vomited and then laid in the grass on my back. I had thrown my phone. As I laid there numb watching the clouds for about 5 minutes her voice echoing through my mind it took a minute for what she said to really hit my mind. When it did I started crying and I did not really stop for a year.
The night of June 25, 2013 my son gave himself his last dose and fell asleep and he never woke up. My beautiful, smart, amazing love, my son was gone. The guilt was overwhelming. I still struggle at times. But the sun rises every day and sets every night. I remember the first few days after I found out, I went to a mental hospital. One of the counselors asked me how I was feeling and I said I feel like someone chopped off one of my limbs. The counselor said without hesitation, "Even amputees learn to walk again. They never walk the same but they walk again." I am still sad. I wonder all the time what my beautiful boy was thinking in his last hour. I wonder what life would have been like for him if I would have demanded that he come live with me. I wonder if he ever forgave me. I wonder if he is in a better place. I hope that he knows how much I adore him. How I never judged him. I only ever wanted him to be happy. I hope wherever he is that he is at peace. Hug your children talk to your children even if it rocks the boat. Confront your children and teach your children.

When I met Justin he was 17 years old, and within minutes I knew we were meant to be together. He was so protective, loving, caring, and supportive. No matter what my dreams ever were, he supported me. Within time we had our own beautiful little family of two girls and one boy. Justin was an amazing, caring, hilarious father, who no matter what it took, ensured his children were safe, happy, loved, and cared for. No matter what the situation, Justin took care of anyone he could, regardless of how it could or would negatively affect him. We miss Justin every minute of every day; no matter how bad it got, or how rough our road was we were always there for each other. He was my rock, his children's rock, and many others. He stood behind to catch them when they fell. Justin will always be remembered every day for the amazing, loving, caring, supportive, and comical man he was.

As we approach the two year anniversary of losing Michael Anthony, we remember his warm hugs, his smile, his sensitive soul, and the love he gave to everyone around him. Michael was smart, funny, kind, and loving. He was a son, a brother, a cousin, a nephew, a grandson, a friend, and so much more. Michael left us on Thanksgiving Day, 2016, and a piece of all of us has been missing ever since.

We walk in Michael's honor and in honor of those friends and family members who struggle with addiction. We know that this disease is more powerful than all of us but we will continue to fight for better treatment and to bring this disease into the light. We want to change the conversation about addiction.

We love you so much, Michael Anthony. You are always in our hearts.

We will always keep the fire burning for you!

Losing my mom was the hardest point of my life. Continuing to raise my sister, work full time and go to college full time at 21 has not been easy, but she fought as hard and long as she could. We all miss her laugh, her broccoli cheddar cheese casserole, her terrible singing voice, but mostly her love. Emilee and I love you Mom.

Loved to be with his family and friends. Would help anyone who needed it in a heartbeat. Fought with addiction for many years and sadly lost the battle. Shawn was very loved and is highly missed by his loved ones. I miss my son.

The most painful part of loving someone with an addiction is watching them kill themselves. All we want is peace for our loved one.

"He’s so effing rock star. Oh, the whole vibe. He’s so brilliant. I can’t say was, Danny is too effervescent and present."

"Dan was a lively, brilliant, precocious, hilarious companion. My kids instantly and adoringly attached to him, and he and my oldest Ben became a comedy duo and partners in crime. He was always entertaining us, always thinking up innovative and zany ways to undertake the simplest of tasks. Super inventive, he provided witty storylines for the infamous Pig cartoon series (best described as Viz meets Freddy Krueger). Dan starred in the Danabelle Show, in which he was fluent when interviewed on a range of nonsensical topics. Playing Consequences each night camping in Maine, he had us screaming with laughter. I have really struggled to think of examples of any of this that are polite enough to share. But the tales of our time together grew bigger with each retelling — narrow escapes from Russian terrorist snorkelers, the boulder-throwing baby, the elderly landlady's curse."

"I miss his encyclopedic knowledge of every player in the Premier league and how he fully indulged my observations about players' hairstyles and tattoos. Together we would imagine what they were like off the pitch. Danny's imagination had that wonderful ability to take a yarn and run with it."

"Adventure Bus Danny — such a bright light! This is how I will always think of him."

"Whenever we walked around in public, he used to scream, 'I love my girlfriend!!!' at the top of his lungs. Everyone would always turn their head and I’d be laughing and blushing. Danny loved to be loud and his authentic spunky self. Whenever he’d sing along to London Calling by the Clash, he’d turn on his cute British accent and belt it out. We used to climb up to the rooftop and sing and dance to our songs. They were Suzanne by Leonard Cohen, Die for You by The Weeknd and Young and Beautiful by Lana del Rey. We slow danced, rocked out, played air guitar, and held hands as we’d sing 'I would dieeee for youuuuuuu' and 'Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful? I know youuuuu willlll.' "

"Those gorgeous blond curls and a wee boy who just couldn’t stop kissing his beloved mum. Giggling away. The joy between you both. An infinite connection. A spirit so large, and oh that grin."

"He was little — maybe in Martha’s Vineyard, 2001? And we went for pizza. We looked around and the pizza topping had all gone leaving only the base smeared with tomato. And Wubby with a look in his face as if to say 'what pizza?' He’d basically sucked it all up like a hoover."

"In theater class, the teacher gave Danny an extraordinary compliment, saying he reminded him of Robin Williams."

"I always adored Danny and have so many positive images of him… his bouncing a ball off my wall repeatedly, his cuddling next to you on the couch, his wit and infectious smile… all admidst his struggle to sort things out when he was a young teen. So so bright. So so deserving of a good life."

"I was always awestruck by the depth of our conversations and the maturity Danny demonstrated. I don’t think I’ve known a high school senior so devoted to and respectful of his girlfriend than Danny. It was such an honor to work with Danny and to have a relationship with him and witness his gifts first hand. He was a special, special guy and I’m so very sorry the world won’t have the chance to benefit from his very bright light."

"My most vivid memory of him was at a soccer game; you yelled from the sidelines that he needed to score a goal if he wanted dinner that night and he scored! I remember his bright face looking at you with victory. Oh he was so cute."

"Danny demonstrated a sense of humility that I so admired. Danny never understood bravado, showmanship and adolescent drama. I sometimes thought he was too special and unique for this place. Danny had a compassionate heart. He didn’t judge – and I think he often struggled with why the world around him wouldn’t simply apply this same way of thinking. He’d say, 'You know what I don’t get Mr. D…,' and I would listen and simply think, 'Yeah I hear ya, bud.' And that time spent with Danny and listening to his pearls often made me stop and shift my thinking. Danny had an impact on people – if you were listening."

"When I tried to put Danny in his pack-and-play to sleep he stood in his jammies saying, 'No thank you!' Over and over!! In his little English accent. It certainly worked on me. ❤️❤️"

"I remember him telling me all about reading Freakonomics when he was like 10-12? And I was totally blown away and had no idea what he was talking about."

"When you guys stayed with us in London, maybe about 6 or 7 years ago, he really bonded with Orla making pretend spears and knives in the garden from bits of wood and string. Also he explained the American school system to Orla and rounded off with, 'And then when you're 18 you go to university... or prison.' Always that wicked sense of humour."

"I loved it when he went hiking with us. Even though he had never been on the trails, he was so eager to see everything that he had to lead. His enthusiasm was contagious. Always a smile on his face, like he had just discovered a wonderful secret."

"From the first time we met Danny (a decade ago) we all fell in love with this bright, sparkling, wacky little guy. Whether hiking, running around on a field, or just hanging out eating pizza on our special Tuesday evenings, Danny always made us laugh."

"That Christmas, I remember him almost passing out with excitement at getting his Big Blue Gordon toy train, and how even though he was only toddling, he was already making up stories — with sound effects! — about his toys and their adventures."

"1. Baking a Mother's Day cake with him to give to you. He was both excited and nervous, and the batter was both lumpy and delicious. He decorated the entire thing himself, and I let my perfectionism go. I don't know if he'd ever baked a cake from scratch before, and I felt honored to do that with him. 2. His witty commentary during our viewings of The Bachelorette. I suspect he enjoyed those episodes as much as we did. He was quippy and sarcastic, much like his mom, and it was such a delight to see his personality come through. <3"

"I remember teaching him crazy dance moves in your living room under the guise that they were soccer exercises. He was so much fun and so great to be with."

"Just so many happy memories of our Yorkshire mini break: ‘Big Boy’ Danny clambering over rocks in his flip flops while you looked on half-amazed, half-terrified. Fun chats about life the world and all over our dinner and outings to sweet shops. He was also exceptionally sweet with Connie 💓."

"A few years ago Danny spent the weekend with us. We were watching a movie one night and the sound track was cool enough for us to watch the never-ending credits that roll at the end of the film: grip, assistant to the director's assistant, and on and on. I said to Danny something like: 'I wonder who pours the coffee for the assistant to the caterer?' And we were off and running. Danny came back with something like: 'How about the cream pourer, and the sugar spooner?' We were punch trunk when we finally exhausted the subject and ourselves."

Brittany was born and raised in Charleston, SC. She has a twin brother, Matthew, also in Charleston. She passed away due to a drug overdose on August 13, 2018, at the age of 19, in Florida.

She was tender-hearted, very kind, and funny. She had the most infectious laugh and was usually surrounded by friends and family. She attended church regularly growing up and through her high school years, and participated in the youth group, fundraisers, missions, and church choir.

She will be desperately missed by her family and friends, but we know that she is in peace with God.

Andrew was one of the most kind, caring people I’ve ever known - but he wasn’t without his struggles. Like myself, he had long struggled with depression and anxiety, and psychiatry had let him down when it came to methods of dealing with it--while avoiding dependence to strong psychiatric drugs. Shortly before his passing, he was still dealing with the horrifying withdrawal symptoms of both benzodiazapenes and methadone. The dependence formed on these drugs and his attempt to cease his use of them put him in constant, horrifying pain. Despite this, he maintained his warm/friendly demeanor when among close friends or loved ones. I believe these drugs and Andrew’s attempts to get away from them added greatly to his suffering, as well to his growing distrust of doctors and psychiatry.

Anthony’s opiate addiction started the typical way....as pills, and eventually advanced to heroin.  He was a college graduate, and started with pills towards the end of school.  The two years after college were the worst...that is when his addiction reared it’s ugly head. The disease of addiction has been described as “cunning, baffling, powerful, and insidious. “  No truer statement exists. Anthony struggled during those two years, and then made a decision to finally get clean in 2014, after several relapses.  

He rebuilt his life after rehab. He took up golf, and became obsessed with the game. It suited his fiercely competitive nature. He reconnected with his best friends that he had thought he lost forever. That made him so happy.  He loved the friends he grew up with.  He joined NA and was lucky enough to get an amazing sponsor and make some fantastic new friends too.  He met a wonderful girl, and fell in love. His life was falling into place, and seemed good.

Anthony worked very hard on his sobriety every day. It was not easy, and he had his struggles. Addiction is a burden, and each day you have to fight your demons. He went to meetings 4-5 times a week, spoke at meetings, drove others to meetings, chaired the meetings, had commitments at the meetings. Anthony was completely immersed. He had a corporate job and a beautiful girlfriend he loved with all his heart. He and Caily were planning to marry.  Anthony gave his time to anyone struggling from addiction.  He was extremely generous...especially with his time.  He literally did give people the clothes off his back!  He was truly amazing!  

Anthony enjoyed life while he was sober. He took vacations, played golf, went to many movies and concerts, and especially enjoyed gatherings with friends and family.  He made plans for the future.  Anthony was kind and warm, unbelievably witty, and could speak with anyone on any subject.  He was always very curious, and constantly reading and looking up information. To say he was knowledgeable is an understatement.  Anthony loved sports...especially the Green Bay Packers and college basketball. He also loved all types of music, and went to dozens of concerts. His favorite band was Dave Matthews Band....something he shared with many of his friends.  Anthony was an amazing brother to his beautiful sister Kristen. He teased her incessantly, but loved her to pieces, and would do anything for her. Anthony will always be remembered by his friends and family as the funny, silly guy with the magnetic personality who lit up the room.  He is loved and missed beyond all imagination by so many.  

In the end, when things were taking a downward turn for him in his life, he didn’t have the strength to fight his inner demons.  He wanted to numb the unbearable pain he was feeling inside. He relapsed and was gone because of fentanyl laced heroin. This horrendous disease is taking our loved ones from us. Lives are cut too short. Plans for the future will never be realized for so many.  It has to stop. I know that my life will never be the same...there is a hole in my heart that will never heal. Rest In Peace my beautiful Anthony.  I will love you and miss you forever. Mom  

I wish I had a story to tell. But it’s everyone’s story. Jacob struggled with who he wanted to be and who he was. At the end of the day, I wish he had the strength to have pulled through. I miss him desperately. There is not a minute that I don’t think of him. And although he is at peace, it is I who is not. I couldn’t fix it then and I can’t fix it now. The void of him is unbearable.

Despite his demons, he was funny, up on all current events. Befriended everyone and left a memorable impression on more than he knew.

Taylor was a beautiful and bright young woman who wandered through life with an untamable spirit, leaving good memories and smiles everywhere she went. She loved playing with her son, listening to music as loud as she could get it, and riding with the windows down to feel the breeze against her cheek on hot summer days. Her life was so cruelly short and, at times, tough. Upon the passing of John David, she got a tattoo on her arm with words from one of his letters. They read, “I wish I was around to stand outside the madness and just watch and smile.” Taylor would want everyone to know that she is outside the madness now, at peace at last and watching with that smile that could light up even the darkest of rooms.

My brother was a loving, charismatic, hardworking man. He struggled with addiction, but that did not define him. This disease is never suffered alone. It’s destructive and shakes everything in its path. As Ryan’s sister, I watched him struggle with his addiction for years. You feel hopeless, and at times you feel angry. Throughout the years, the the worst thing was watching my brother, who I loved and was very close with growing up, drown in his addiction and not being able to convince him this isn’t the end, and that the choices that were made are the past and the future can be changed.

I want other families and those suffering from addiction to know they are not alone. When you feel like giving up, don’t because you are stronger than you realize. This has put the person with addiction and their families through hell. If you look back on all the destruction that has happened because of the addiction and you survived, you can survive recovery and regain everything. It is never easy and the fight will never be over. There are days you will feel hopeless and relapses may occur, know that it’s okay but continue to fight. Fight for you life, your family, everything that you love.

Martiana was such a sweet soul. She loved and trusted everyone. She always thought of the needs of others before her own--even in her darkest days of addiction. She left behind an 8 year old son Xayvier whom we are raising. He, like Martiana, is selfless. I see so much of her in him. Sad to say he knows more about addiction than most people my age because I would rather educate him on this and let him know that we are here for him than for him to be educated about drugs on the street.  I am very grateful that before she passed away she was in jail for six months and was sober. I got to spend time with my baby and see her smile that smile that could light up the world and hear her genuine laugh. I got to see her be a mother and see the strong sister bond that she and her sister had before heroin. If I had to do it all over again, I would just to be her mama again! Forever 25. Martiana Kay, I love and miss you. 

Love, mom

Chelsea was the starting center for her high school team and end of freshman year became a target of severe bullying by older group of girls that resulted in a planned mob attack after two years of relentless bullying/cyber-bullying. Chelsea quit basketball and we removed her from the high school. She admitted to turning to vodka secretly to cope with anxiety/depression having no idea it would take her life so young. She wanted to get healthy and clean and sought medical help but was sent home. Stigma played a major role from that point on until her tragic death after six weeks of hospitalization. This advice came from a young doctor to get her to another team who would see past the addiction and save her young life. We sadly sent her to the wrong hospital. I now know that other transplant surgeons would have transplanted her in the time frame to save her life. Her death was senseless and preventable. I now speak in high schools and other venues on the topic of addiction, bullying and the six month rule that was wrongly applied to her young life.Chelsea admitted to turning to vodka secretly to cope with anxiety/depression having no idea it would take her life so young. She wanted to get healthy and clean and sought medical help but was sent home. Stigma played a major role from that point on until her tragic death after six weeks of hospitalization. This advice came from a young doctor to get her to another team who would see past the addiction and save her young life. We sadly sent her to the wrong hospital. I now know that other transplant surgeons would have transplanted her in the time frame to save her life. Her death was senseless and preventable. I now speak in high schools and other venues on the topic of addiction, bullying and the six month rule that was wrongly applied to her young life. Her story will soon be in the Boston Globe, as well. We were also contacted by Dateline, Lester Holt for story of addiction/liver disease in young people.

Derek was a son, brother, uncle, grandson, best friend, and more. He was my little brother and my best friend. I miss everything about him. He gave the best hugs and ended every phone call with I love you. He was honest and kind in the most genuine way. He would do anything for his family and his friends. His heart was so big, there was no end to the love he gave to those around him. But he was sensitive and that took a toll on him. He fought depression for most of his life which led to his addiction. We almost lost him once years before to a near fatal overdose but he recovered and went on to give us nine more years with him. During that time he was sober, he graduated college, he was running the family business, he was always there. Steady and strong. But the depression always came back. At some point he started using again. He hid it for a while. By the time he told us he was too far gone. As a family we did all we could, but in the end, he lost his battle. We found him on October 21, 2017. He passed away from an overdose and is gone from us forever. Our lives will never be the same without him.

"I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Wherever you go, I go." - ee cummings

He suffered from addiction, but that was not his definition.
He was funny and kind. He was the most generous person I have ever met, and would always go the extra mile to help someone in need.
He lit up the room with his big personality, bright smile, and contagious laugh.
He was a bright light, and his light still shines on everything he touched and in the hearts of all who loved him.
He wanted so badly to be free of his addiction. His dream was to help others who struggled with this affliction.

I miss Marc's smile and love for life. Marc was my firstborn, I didn't know about his addiction because I missed all the signs. He was intelligent and bright and owned his own finance company. I miss his laugh and his beautiful smile, I miss him calling my number. I miss him everyday.