Age 22
Son * Brother * Gentle * Fun-Loving * Kind
22
Logan was the youngest of four children. He was our self-described Peter Pan, who once told me, “I don’t want to grow up because life would be too hard,” then he lost his eldest brother (Joshua Miles Hansen) when he was 17, and it was, too hard for his tender soul. Logan was a truly kind and compassionate person who loved deeply and completely. His family meant the world to him. He was kind and had a beautiful soul with a smile and laugh that were contagious to all those around him. Logan was gentle, funny, devoted, childlike, and simply adorable. Though he was often quiet, he was just taking it all in, and he demonstrated an astounding memory that impressed his siblings, teachers, and parents. His quick wit, love of history, courteous manners, and great charm are characteristics we all appreciated about him. The blessings in our vast collection of home videos and photos show his delightful personality and how precious he was as the youngest child in our family.
So many wonderful memories of Logan, but these quickly come to mind: Logan’s random, but spot-on good humor, left an imprint on anyone who knew him. He was fiercely loyal to his family and friends, and you always knew he had your back. His sister says she watches her young boys play and remembers how she and Logan enjoyed playing, growing up, and dressing up together. He was her perfect playmate! He loved playing baseball and basketball and being coached by his dad. As a youth, he was known for making major league plays on the field and impressive 3-point shots on the basketball court. He had a tender way with our family pets and was a caring breeder of parakeets, hamsters, and chinchillas for the local pet store. Logan was a movie aficionado, a passion he shared with his two big brothers who were 8 and 10 years older, and he had an uncanny ability to memorize dialog from films and share them with us at the most appropriate (or inappropriate) times creating bountiful laughter for us all. His brother shares that he remembers always being impressed by Logan’s eye-hand coordination and was in awe of his marksmanship because it was like nothing he had ever seen before; “it appeared effortless” is how he described it. His aim was phenomenal; no matter the sport (baseball or marksmanship) and Logan always hit his target noting how it seemed unchallenging for him when others would have to put in a lot of time to master the skills. He learned to snow ski as a small child and our days together on the slopes as a family will long be remembered as some of the best times. Our little man – sporting a helmet, sans poles, took great joy in surpassing his elder snowboarding brothers. He was blessed to have two older brothers who took him under their wings and enjoyed their little buddy. Later, snowboarding, motorcycle racing, fishing trips, and NASCAR (Jeff Gordon who he once met) were highlights he enjoyed. Logan especially adored his “Sissy” and he looked up to her so much that she set the standard by which he measured others.
We miss everything about Logan. He was a simple soul whose sensitivity and purpose could be described by a favorite fictional character, of whom he often quoted, Forest Gump, in saying “and that is all I have to say about that.“ He was frank and not much for small talk. I close my eyes, hear his loud laugh, quiet giggles, see his bright green smiling eyes, feel his beautiful hands, smell his favorite cologne, and remember his signature style and how he donned only button-down shirts, nice shoes, and a favorite leather jacket. I long for his hugs and our exchange of I love you’s. The empty seats at our family table created by the loss of Logan, and his eldest brother Josh six years before him, is heartbreaking. Logan would have been a wonderful uncle and the kids are sad that they do not have their little brother to share in life’s milestones. Although Logan (and Josh) were our past and present, they were the future to the brother and sister(s) they left behind. It is a tragedy to fully appreciate the immense loss that siblings feel. He would have been a spectacular partner and father. Logan and Josh now have 4 nephews who will grow to know them through our remembrances in photos and epic stories in our family history.
Logan was optimistic for his future. Although he may have used drugs, that is not who he was. He would want to be remembered as a good man for his intellect, good humor, endearing manner, and signature style. He wanted to be well and he faced his challenges with courage.
Logan was not a social party animal. To the contrary, he did not like gatherings where people were inebriated and out of control. His needs were simply defined - a job, a girlfriend, and hopefully to become an attorney one day. His substance use began in secret as he tried to find relief from sorrow after Josh died. He appeared ashamed, confused about his situation, and exhibited frustration over his substance use disorder (SUD). It was tough for him to open up about his feelings. He told me once, “Mom, there are people your age making a living off of someone like me with anxiety and depression.” He further described how an older woman sold him pills from her opioid prescriptions to supplement her income. Logan fell quickly to dependency on this drug. He wrote in his journals about how it had taken over his brain and he punished himself by withdrawing from his family when he used opioid pain medications and, the words playing in his head, caused by shame and secrecy, contributed to his loss of self-esteem, and actually reinforced his use.
Sadly, in the end, he would have said that he was only tired - tired of the pain of addiction, ashamed of how drugs had taken away joy in his life, sadness for the way relationships he cherished had become altered, and hopelessness that anything could ever change. He was working the steps toward recovery, and we know he did his best. Of this I am certain, Logan never wanted to become dependent on any substance and he certainly did not want to die before he had the chance to truly live. It is a human experience to seek relief from pain, whether mental, emotional, or physical. Our beautiful boy just wanted to feel he belonged in social circles and to feel comfortable in his own skin. He was sad to have been loyal to people he perceived as his friends and disappointed that they were not.
Logan was not unusual – he tried to heal his sadness, pain, and feelings of inadequacy by self-medicating, and that altered his path for the rest of his short life. And, after months of residential treatment and non-use, our very “Precious Pup” died at home, surrounded by his college books and papers, from a fentanyl patch toxicity. Logan is remembered as a tender, funny (but reserved), kind, genuine, and handsome young man with a big heart. He would want to be remembered as a good person who was trying to heal and who just wanted to recover so he could have had a life, a fulfilling career, and the joy of children that he dreamed of.
Ending the societal stigma associated with SUDs is the building block to creating a world where the Logan’s of today and tomorrow can feel confident in asking for help to fight their disease.
