The National Addiction Memorial honors the loved ones we’ve lost.

Billy was addicted to drugs before we were in a relationship. The first time we hung out he took me on a drug deal and said "don't tell anyone about this." I never did until recently. I should have taken that as a red flag but I didn't, I loved him already. This went on for years until there was an intervention, and he chose to get treatment. I couldn't be more proud of him! He went to meetings and worked his recovery for 9 months! Right after moving into a sober house he relapsed and overdosed while I was waiting outside for him. They gave him narcan and he was thankfully okay! The next day he got himself back into treatment, where he continued to stay clean for about 6 months before relapsing again. Same thing, as soon as I got the call that he was using he got himself into treatment that night, again couldn't be more proud! I was so proud of him everyday that he was clean, I can only imagine the effort it took; I've never touched drugs in my life. From there he was clean for about 6 months again before relapsing, overdosing, and losing his battle with the demon, heroin. It was such a struggle for him and I saw that all through our relationship but I never once left his side, just like I promised him! There are so many details that I failed to mention but I could talk about him forever! I miss him every second of everyday and there's not a day that goes by that makes this any easier.

Kaylee struggled with drug addiction and alcoholism from a young age. She attended inpatient treatment for her addiction and received methadone maintenance treatment with little success. Kaylee gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on March 3 2015, and her outlook on life changed. Her purpose in life was to be a good mother to Charlie. She was clean and stayed clean while she was pregnant and while she was caring for her son, Charlie. She had a legal battle which led her to a relapse, and since she has no insurance, treatment was extremely hard to get. In Alabama, getting insurance can also be very difficult, depending on your income. With help through family and loved ones she was able to get a policy on the Alabama Health Exchange, but when she finally got insurance it did not cover inpatient treatment. She desperately wanted to go to treatment. Every day seemed to get worse and worse, until she finally was approved to go to an inpatient facility in California; however, she overdosed moments before she was supposed to leave for the airport for treatment.

Matthew got addicted to Xanax in 2015. He hid it well. He had stuggled hard with alcohol since his devastating divorce in 2011 but then decided to quit, went to the doctor, was prescribed benzodiazepines for "anxiety" and soon became addicted. He became withdrawn from family and friends which was totally out of character for him. His life was spiraling downward; he got suspended from the Bricklayers Union, wrecked automobiles several times, his fiancé left him. He finally went to rehab in December of 2015, relapsed in January after being out of the program for about a week, and was in jeopardy of losing custody of his daughter. After relapsing, Matthew went to and completed an out patient program while living at our residence temporarily. Matthew once said to me "I can beat this drug mom, it's not going to define who I am, I'm stronger than this." I believed him, I truly did. Everything seemed to be going good. He finished the program, he was going to meetings, he was reinstated to the union, everything was settled with his daughter, he was moving back to his own home on April 1. I found him unresponsive in his bed in our guest room the morning of March 24, 2016. We called 911 and started CPR. The autopsy report revealed small amounts of 3 drugs in his system. But for him they were fatal. My world crashed and ended that day.

Joel began experimenting with pot at age 13, then got caught up in prescription pills, zanax, oxy, then came cocaine, meth, and heroine. He had gone through rehab 3 times.

Connor was introduced to opiates in high school by some friends after he injured his back in football. He continued casually using them along with drinking and smoking marijuana. His progress in school steadily declined. He went to four different high schools including a therapeutic boarding school. One of his best friends died from an overdose which just caused Connor's disease to escalate. After some brief times of sobriety, he eventually started using heroine and then methadone. He went through medical detox from methadone but ended up dying at the treatment center.

It started with pills then he began heroin. He was in countless rehabs, detoxes, hospitals, and sober living homes. He was clean for 8 months when he relapsed. His sister and I found him gone at a friends house.

Unknown to us, Chris started using mj around age 14. By the time I realized he had a problem, at age 18, he had already become addicted to heroin. Chris tried several different rehab programs but none that would keep him long enough to be of much help and with him being over 18 we had no control. When I found him in his room that final day, he had been clean for almost a year. His struggle was over...but ours, 11 years later, continues on.

Aaliyah met a boy when she was 15 years old with whom she fell in love. He was a heroin addict. She tried it for the first time with him. I did not find out about this until way after the fact. Their relationship was cut short because I found out that he was a 20 year old heroin addict. She started to dabble with other drugs after this point. Her strong addiction to heroin started when she was almost 18 years old.

After struggling for a few years with addiction, he was doing well in a rehab program and had a good job. The week before his accidental overdose he had reached out and encouraged a friend to come to rehab. Rather than let a roommate take the blame, he came forward and admitted to vaping in their dorm room. He was given a 5-day discharge from his program. It seems that he thought he could handle getting high one more time. Sadly, the county sheriff said they see this a lot.

At the age of 15, Jared's father passed away from cancer. This was a devastating time for Jared and I. I believe his addiction began with him not being able to cope with this massive loss in his life, so he began self-medicating. Fast forward, first three months away at college, I then became aware of his drug problem. I must say I was in denial, not really seeing the extent and seriousness of his problem. Through many rehabs he was unable to escape the hold that heroin had on him until it finally took his life.

I believe it was a feeling of needing to feel loved more.

Aaron struggled with heroin addiction. Attempted rehab and help from family was not successful. The drug is so evil...

Bonnie struggled with drugs and alcohol her whole life. It began when she was 11 or 12 years old. She was physically, mentally, and sexually abused as a child. She was in multiple abusive relationships as a woman. Pills and alcohol was what she struggled with the most but in the end she died from a crack-cocaine and wellbutrin overdose. The wellbutrin will always be a mystery for me as I believe after being on crack for 5 days she then took the wellbutrin, which is an anti-depressant to end her life. I will never know. She did attempt many times to quit but in the end she simply would not surrender and face her fear. I believe the suppressed memories that were surfacing through her counseling--about her father molesting her as a child--were too much for her to bear, the pain was to intense and because she had no other coping skills, she dealt with it the best way she knew how and that was to use. It was also brought to my attention after she died that she had been diagnosed with throat cancer, a secret that was kept from me as she knew I would have insisted on treatment; another mystery that I will never know. I myself use to use drugs with my mother, I have been clean for 10 years now but she did not get clean. It was very hard having to set boundaries that said if you're high you can't come by but I had to protect myself and my family. She would go weeks, sometimes months, without calling or coming by and that hurt me greatly. Especially my oldest son who was very close to her. Her addiction stole more than I can ever explain. And it didn't just hurt her it killed us all. There is a brokenness inside of me that will never heal until I go home to be with JESUS and I pray everyday that she made it so that I can see her face again. RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE I MADE IT SO CAN YOU.

Once she started middle school, social pressures weighed heavy and she struggled with depression and anxiety. I remember when her friends reached out to me because they were worried about Cassidy, and this began a dialogue that, little did I know, would be the beginning of many more serious issues to come. I don’t really want to re-hash all the heartache and pain that Cassidy and this family experienced while she was a teenager and beyond. Just know that, at times, it was wrought with heartache, illness, hospital stays, depression, and dysfunction. It was messy! AND we still loved her.
She used heroin for the first time at age 15. Her dad and I did everything in our power to help her. We sent her to rehab, long-term treatment centers, therapy . . . we never gave up on her. It took a toll on our jobs, our family, our whole world. And as you all know, it eventually took her life.
But Cassidy was so much more than her disorder, her disease. She was our sunshine!

October 20, 2015

To Our Beautiful Son and Brother, Jared

All Jared ever really wanted was freedom and joy and for everyone around him to be with him and to share in it. Whether battling evil with his brother, Dan, in their matching Power Ranger costumes, inventing great adventures in Lake Geneva with his Grandma and Pop-Pop and cousins, or mischief-making with his neighborhood friends as a child, Jared would wear himself out having fun. He didn’t understand, sometimes, why the fun could not just go on forever.
Jared was in love with the world around him and wanted to have a piece of everything and to never let go. He loved to be outside. He loved the woods and the desert, the stars and the oceans, the suburban yards and the city streets. Jared was always keenly aware of everything around him and would point out wildlife hidden in the periphery that no one else noticed. He loved animals. Fish and birds and deer and bears and dogs and cats – especially his beloved Smush – were equal partners in his universe. And Jared loved people.
Jared was a brilliant soul who attracted and collected people everywhere he went like a child collects fireflies on a summer night, drawn to their individual lights. Always carrying an endless repository of knowledge, ideas, and feelings, Jared was equipped and compelled to connect with whoever he met. He managed to find the good in everyone, even those who may have hurt him in the past. His capacity for forgiveness was infinite.
Music and art were at the center of his world. Jared would spend his last dollar on some obscure used record from the past, proudly display some folk-art treasure with a back-story and plan for months to not miss a favorite band. He would never miss an opportunity to jam with friends, play an open-mic night or help co-write or record a song with a fellow musician in his world. He loved the off-the-beaten-path bands as he loved the classic rockers. He loved instruments and sounds and equipment. Jared loved a lot.
Jared loved very hard as he wanted everyone to love him. His boundless energy for loving others came at a high cost, though, as he left very little for himself. That the world is not all freedom and joy and fun, and that not everyone is as unconditional as he was wasn’t easy for Jared. Jared hid his private sorrow behind a mask and too often sought peace and comfort down a treacherous road, often alone. We had come to accept that Jared had a disease, and we knew he was at a crossroads where even he knew it.
Our last several weeks with Jared were amazing. He was trying so hard to change. Not perfection but progress. He had moved into an amazing apartment with an amazing roommate. We were together often and laughed and talked and fished and saw him clear-eyed and happy and hopeful. Jared and Dan watched a baseball game together on the phone from Springfield to Chicago. He finished every conversation with “I love you”. This is how we will remember our Beautiful Jared.

Joe struggled, especially the last few years of his life. He was doing well and was clean about four months before that moment of weakness.

Darren always seemed to be trying to find a peace that was so elusive to him.

Amanda's biggest struggle was with alcohol. She tried over and over to stop but could never stay stopped for very long. Once they told her that she would need a transplant, I think she gave up and decided to speed things up. Her drinking picked up even with multiple attempts to quit.

His struggles started with steroids then pain killers and every drug available. It was when he got on heroin that he really went down hill. After exhausting our rehab resources in Pennsylvania he went to Florida under the advice of the last rehab he was in here in PA. Things got worse down there and he was constantly in and out of jail and rehabs.