The National Addiction Memorial honors the loved ones we’ve lost.

Once she started middle school, social pressures weighed heavy and she struggled with depression and anxiety. I remember when her friends reached out to me because they were worried about Cassidy, and this began a dialogue that, little did I know, would be the beginning of many more serious issues to come. I don’t really want to re-hash all the heartache and pain that Cassidy and this family experienced while she was a teenager and beyond. Just know that, at times, it was wrought with heartache, illness, hospital stays, depression, and dysfunction. It was messy! AND we still loved her.
She used heroin for the first time at age 15. Her dad and I did everything in our power to help her. We sent her to rehab, long-term treatment centers, therapy . . . we never gave up on her. It took a toll on our jobs, our family, our whole world. And as you all know, it eventually took her life.
But Cassidy was so much more than her disorder, her disease. She was our sunshine!

October 20, 2015

To Our Beautiful Son and Brother, Jared

All Jared ever really wanted was freedom and joy and for everyone around him to be with him and to share in it. Whether battling evil with his brother, Dan, in their matching Power Ranger costumes, inventing great adventures in Lake Geneva with his Grandma and Pop-Pop and cousins, or mischief-making with his neighborhood friends as a child, Jared would wear himself out having fun. He didn’t understand, sometimes, why the fun could not just go on forever.
Jared was in love with the world around him and wanted to have a piece of everything and to never let go. He loved to be outside. He loved the woods and the desert, the stars and the oceans, the suburban yards and the city streets. Jared was always keenly aware of everything around him and would point out wildlife hidden in the periphery that no one else noticed. He loved animals. Fish and birds and deer and bears and dogs and cats – especially his beloved Smush – were equal partners in his universe. And Jared loved people.
Jared was a brilliant soul who attracted and collected people everywhere he went like a child collects fireflies on a summer night, drawn to their individual lights. Always carrying an endless repository of knowledge, ideas, and feelings, Jared was equipped and compelled to connect with whoever he met. He managed to find the good in everyone, even those who may have hurt him in the past. His capacity for forgiveness was infinite.
Music and art were at the center of his world. Jared would spend his last dollar on some obscure used record from the past, proudly display some folk-art treasure with a back-story and plan for months to not miss a favorite band. He would never miss an opportunity to jam with friends, play an open-mic night or help co-write or record a song with a fellow musician in his world. He loved the off-the-beaten-path bands as he loved the classic rockers. He loved instruments and sounds and equipment. Jared loved a lot.
Jared loved very hard as he wanted everyone to love him. His boundless energy for loving others came at a high cost, though, as he left very little for himself. That the world is not all freedom and joy and fun, and that not everyone is as unconditional as he was wasn’t easy for Jared. Jared hid his private sorrow behind a mask and too often sought peace and comfort down a treacherous road, often alone. We had come to accept that Jared had a disease, and we knew he was at a crossroads where even he knew it.
Our last several weeks with Jared were amazing. He was trying so hard to change. Not perfection but progress. He had moved into an amazing apartment with an amazing roommate. We were together often and laughed and talked and fished and saw him clear-eyed and happy and hopeful. Jared and Dan watched a baseball game together on the phone from Springfield to Chicago. He finished every conversation with “I love you”. This is how we will remember our Beautiful Jared.

Joe struggled, especially the last few years of his life. He was doing well and was clean about four months before that moment of weakness.

Darren always seemed to be trying to find a peace that was so elusive to him.

Amanda's biggest struggle was with alcohol. She tried over and over to stop but could never stay stopped for very long. Once they told her that she would need a transplant, I think she gave up and decided to speed things up. Her drinking picked up even with multiple attempts to quit.

His struggles started with steroids then pain killers and every drug available. It was when he got on heroin that he really went down hill. After exhausting our rehab resources in Pennsylvania he went to Florida under the advice of the last rehab he was in here in PA. Things got worse down there and he was constantly in and out of jail and rehabs.

Struggled for a few years in and out of rehabs. Legal issues because of her addiction. She fought hard against her addiction but in the end heroin won the battle? We chose to put in her obituary that she had died from her addiction. The stigma must end!!! Lauren was living in a recovery home when she passed away. They now have a scholarship in her honor and memory!! She touched so many lives & tried to help others in recovery....She just couldn't help herself?

Dillon tragically lost a brother to suicide. This was something that he was unable to deal with emotionally. He began using drugs to numb his broken heart. He eventually turned to heroin. Dillon was in multiple rehabs and sober living environments, but he just could not handle the pain in his heart. He would always return to the drugs. After a 90 day stay in jail, he came home and was finally clean. He was free from heroin for 6 months at the time of his death.

My father had his first drink of alcohol at 12 years old. Throughout his life, he was able to get sober for a month here, a year there, but ultimately his addiction pulled him back in. While in his addiction he lied, cheated, and stole. He was homeless more often than not, and many times out of his own choice. The man with the bottle was a night and day difference from my father when he was sober. My father preferred alcohol and would drink anything that could get him drink. Mouthwash, hand sanitizer, you name it, he tried it. He also struggled with drug addiction throughout the years.

Truly's struggles started 8 years ago. She did have 2 years sober in those 8 years but after her relapse she just couldn't seem to beat the disease. She put up a fierce fight all the way to the end. Unfortunately, the substance abuse won :(

Initially developed an addiction to pain killers for a genetic spinal condition, and after her divorce in 2010, met others who used street drugs and began a spiral into full blown addiction. She received inpatient treatment in 2013 as a result of court involvement, finished treatment but did not change her lifestyle of people, places, and things, and repeatedly relapsed as a result. Finally in January 2016, she needed to truly change as she moved her teenage son back into family home but again kept in contact with her old friends and made a fatal mistake of relapsing on pure fentanyl the morning of July 13 2016. Before 2010 she was the least likely person to have used any type of drugs having witnessed the carnage of active addiction in her family. Even knowing this and having friends, cousins, uncles, and stepparents die from the effects of addiction she still fell prey to its lure and was not able to overcome it's hold. A momentarily lapse of judgement and reason took her away from the son who loved and adored her and the many friends and family that held hope that she would be able to overcome her addiction. She is missed by those who knew and loved her and believed in her potential to overcome the addiction and battle the mental illness of depression and chronic pain that led her down the path to her senseless death.

Anthony didn't use very long, or very often. He started using pills with a girl he was dating. Eventually the pills were too expensive and not enough, so he started shooting heroin and fentanyl. Just one and a half years in, he was in tears over his struggle. Asked for help, but was turned away by the time we found a bed in a detox because he tested negative for heroin and the place wouldn't test for fentanyl. He tried to stay away from it, but he passed away just a few months later.

Joshua kept his struggle hidden, it wasn't until just before he passed away we learned of it.

Melanie began drinking & smoking pot in her junior year of high school. For some it is just a phase, but for Melanie & many like her, it becomes a deadly disease. She quickly moved on to other drugs. At the age of 22, she began smoking crack & lost everything. She worked very hard to get sober, regain custody of her son, & get a job. She did well for awhile but soon fell back into the old habits of going out, drinking, & smoking weed. At some point she tried Oxycontin & was in love which led to heroine. She went to rehab many times but her love of heroine & her need to be high was too strong, nothing seemed to work for any length of time. She could never get ahead of it. She hated the the life she was living, there were overdoses & suicide attempts. She tried Methadone & Suboxone. She was also on many prescription drugs. There was no long term treatment to deal with her addiction & mental health issues. On April 15, 2015 her life ended in a hotel room alone.

She hid her drug use well. It started with gateway drugs and progressed to heroin use. She encountered trauma and abuse. Co-dependency got her kicked out of her 1st treatment center. Her last attempt at rehab ended 5 months prior to her death.

Merrill had an extremely rough childhood and upbringing. This made him put up an emotional block to life, love, and emotions at a very young age. He then turned to drugs which just made everything worse; just trying to numb his pain. With the life that comes with addiction, Merrill began living the life of an addict and doing whatever it took to get his next high. He then was caught at the wrong place wrong time and was arrested and served a 6-year prison bid. Once he was released, we ended up back together, getting a house and pregnant with our first. A few months after Colton was born, no solution, the stress/pressure of a newborn, Merrill relapsed and it all went downhill from there. Again, in and out of jail and constant struggle. After multiple jail and prison sentences, rehab attempts, ODs, hospital visits, a restraining order and divorce, Merrill still struggled with the addiction that resulted in death.

He struggled with various substances throughout most of his adult life in a cyclical pattern. Ending a good period of sobriety in the worst way possible.

It was an up and down battle spanning over more than five years.

Earlier in life, she struggled with alcohol and nicotine addiction. She decided that her children were worth more than that so she decided to make the choice to quit.