The National Addiction Memorial honors the loved ones we’ve lost.

I knew he smoked pot. AJ was brutally honest..well about most things anyway. He told me about pot, he talked to me about girlfriends, sometimes things I really didn't want to know! I could tell he was high sometimes and I asked him repeatedly if he was using anything stronger and he swore, " no, no...that's not for me." The girlfriend was on prescription drugs for depression so she always seemed spacey...it worried us, she had a "dark side." They returned to Florida within the year because she wasn't happy in NY. It wasn't till a year later, when we got a phone call saying AJ had ben arrested, that we found out about HIS prescription pill problem. Addiction, I should say, He had gotten into a car accident and had found a Dr. that gave him pain medication and he took it for a long time, both he and his girlfriend were addicted. He had a good job as a pharmacy technician and had just gotten his pharmacy technician's license. But it was like a kid in the proverbial candy store. He had gotten caught stealing pills, a lot of them. We bailed him out, I flew down to get him a lawyer and see about bringing him back to NY...to 'save him.' The girlfriend chose not to come. He started a drug program here and was doing really well for a couple of months. Then he dropped that program, he didn't like it for some reason and was trying to get into another. He was on probation, no jail time, mandated drug program so getting into one was imperative. Another girlfriend. Family wedding in Jamaica on 7/20/13, he couldn't go because of probation. Girlfriend's dad bought them a weekend at the Marriott to celebrate their birthdays for the weekend we were away. They went into the city on Friday morning, he overdosed that night. After his death, reading his text messages, we found out he started using heroin about 2 months earlier, supposedly occasionally the girlfriend said. We never knew. I had suspected he was high at times but thought he was getting tested at probation.

Jarrod's drug of choice was marijuna, He wasn't getting the high as he did at the begining. He tried a opiate called, "Opana" and got hooked! Jarrod passed away from an overdose on Opana ( a quarter of a pill, which he inhaled the fumes) as well as the drugs the doctor prescribed to get him off the opiates and weed. He had Klonopin, Seroquel and Cymbalta in his system, as well.

Ashlee lost her life last year due to an accidental heroin overdose. During her college years, she had turned to drugs to relieve her anxiety and depression. Ashlee had fought hard to overcome her addiction and had remained clean for two years. She was so very proud of that fact. Then on September 11th, 2013 in a weak, desperate moment she made the fatal decision to use one more time. It would be her last. Her story is important to tell because people need to understand that heroin doesn't discriminate against race, social status or age. Many people aren't aware of that fact that heroin can be snorted and smoked as well as injected, all with potentially fatal results. Most importantly, even if you or someone you love uses heroin just once...you or they can die. Because of this horrible, deadly drug we will never see Ashlee's infectious smile or hear her laugh again. She is missed by many family and friends every single day.

In Jeff's early adolescence, when life started to get more complicated and the burdens of this world were placed on him, they began to weigh him down. This is when he started using alcohol and pain medication to help him deal with these burdens of life. He fell into the trap of addiction as a coping mechanism. As he became an adult, he was full blown into the disease of drug and alcohol addiction. He did things I never thought he would do. Jeff would tell me he paid his bills with the money he took from me and that the money didn't go for the drugs or alcohol. Think about that! The diseased brain working at its best! He struggled with getting clean in many venues. He never wanted me to hug him or tell him that I loved him, he thought of himself as a failure to his family. It was so wonderful to have the REAL Jeff back during the times he was clean and on the correct medications.

We struggled together with a meth addiction, but he got bored and decided to start mixing heroin. I followed for a short while, but was too scared so I just stayed in my own misery with my own drug of choice. He struggled with addiction all of his life. His mother was addicted to pills and sent him to hustle at a young age. He was clean for a couple years and then his mother died of a drug overdose. His addiction became a heroin only thing and he met the love of his life who was also a heroin addict. On January 29th 2010 his partner died of complications due to drugs and MS. 2 days later Matt was found dead of a drug overdose. Addiction is a powerful powerful thing. :-(

He was such a loving person and coping with the struggles of life and all it's challenges was always difficult for him. He was sometimes too sensitive to deal with the ugliness this human journey can bring.

Its hard to imagine that a person so full of life with the whole world ahead of him could end in such darkness, loneliness and despair. Such is the evil of a disease called addiction. Bobby was impulsive. He always wanted to try something new and he rarely thought of consequences. He started smoking marijuana at a fairly young age. Of course, this generation has been known for its prescription drug use. Bobby was no exception, and with such an adventurous personality he was highly susceptiple to it. It started with benzodiazepines and escalated to anything he could get his hands on. Oxycontin was next. He liked to hide his addiction from our family, maybe to try to save himself from the consequences at times and also saving us from the harsh reality of where his life was heading. It got worse in college and he had to come back home to live with my parents, which started the slippery slope that eventually led to his death. We tried everything. I would come home from college in the middle of the night after desperate phone calls from my mom. I would follow him into dangerous parts of Youngstown, OH just to make sure he was safe. He was getting out of control and never wanted to admit it. He started injecting things like heroin and xanax. He refused to go to rehab. I even called the police on him once to make sure he hadn't overdosed. They treated him like a criminal and failed to realized that this is a disease. It was an absolutely gut wrenching year of court hearings and drug induced outbursts. He had no more friends, no hope and nothing to live for. On September 26th, 2012 the light in Bobby's eyes was no longer there. The demons took over and he was no longer the lively, loving bright soul from his childhood. He committed suicide, I believe, to save us all from the inevitable and daily anguish he felt he caused us. Each day, I look at the tattoo of him on my side as a silhouette in a tree, hoping he has found peace and ask myself "why?"

"Ian struggled with a heroin addiction and thought that he could overcome it on his own, mostly because of the cost of treatment. I know how bad he felt about himself. He felt that he was weak and a disappointment to the people who love him. He felt that he was being judged by others, but in reality, he was his own most critical judge. On the last Mother's Day before he passed, Ian wrote a sweet letter to me, telling me that he would make me proud. I already was and will always be proud of him. When a person has an addiction, it in no way means that they are bad people. From what I had been told, Ian had been able to stay away from the heroin for about three weeks when the dealer came to where he was living. He was not strong enough to resist and ""one last time"", he bought what he thought was heroin. It turned out that the heroin had been substituted with Fentanyl, which caused my son to die from ""positional asphyxia"". My heart aches for Ian and everyone else who suffers from addiction. I think they always feel alone, even in the company others. How I wish that it was enough to just hold our addicted loved ones and surround them with love and compassion until the addiction has lost it's grip and they love themselves enough to want and allow healing. Someday I hope to be able to help others get the help they need to heal themselves in body and mind."

THE BEAST: Cody struggled with his addiction for almost ten years, from the time he was 16 until he passed away from a heroin overdose at age 26, on September 25, 2013. He was working that morning at his wholesale produce business, making his normal deliveries in his van, and stopped to get high in a parking lot. He wasn't found until the next day, when the police found him after I reported him missing. No one had heard from him for over 24 hours, which was unusual. He had just completed treatment at one of the best treatment centers in the country nine months prior to his death. He was struggling more than ever, and he told me "Mom, the beast is back". I knew he was in deep, deep trouble, and I felt absolutely helpless. What more could I do? Nobody seemed to have the answers to treating his addiction effectively. Cody was a healthy young man until addiction ravaged him physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. He played sports in high school; basketball, baseball, and all four years on the golf team, He played competitive soccer until he was 14, and was an avid snowboarder. How he went from these normal, healthy activities to hospital stays, detox clinics, treatment centers, and emergency room visits, was incomprehensible to me. The only explanation that makes any sense is this; he was sick with the disease of addiction. His family has alcoholism on both sides, and he grew up around alcohol. Cody started with alcohol and pot in high school, and progressed into the hard drugs from there. He was in and out of treatment centers and sober living houses for five years. When he started abusing Oxycotin, his addiction became much worse. He moved from pain pills, which were expensive, to heroin. It is the same epidemic story we parents keep telling over and over; prescription pain pills lead to heroin, which leads to overdose and death. I want it to stop and for society to look at addiction with compassion, instead of judgment.

He found prescription pills around 14 yrs old. From then, he tried all kinds of drugs and alcohol until he got hooked on heroin at around 17 yrs old. He had short periods of sobriety, and even spent some time in AA.

He struggled since the age of 14. I was a single parent, and ignorant to naranon or any 12 step program. He slowly progressed to heroin, tried many times to stop to no avail. Back problems made it worse, since he needed pain meds . The only time he was clean was in prison for 4 yrs, but fter being home a year, got ill with cellulitis, was hospitalized for a month, had many surgeries and skin grafts,and fell back heavily into his addiction. He later suffered from seizures, a spine infection that left him partially paralized, and died in March of 2014 after he went off of his methadone after losing his addiction doctor.

Lisa has had many struggles with addiction, from a very young age. Later as a adult she was over prescribes pain medication that led to a severe addiction ....She later died from a methadone overdose, she was 47.

Michael started experimenting with alcohol and weed around age 13. He struggled with ADHD, anxiety and depression at times.His junior year of high school, his drinking escalated and he was having black outs. The summer before his senior year, his girlfriend broke up with him which seemed to send him on a self-destructive road. He started using xanax,mollys.alcohol... marijuana smoking increased and he snorted heroin a couple times but but did not get into that drug, however, we felt we needed to take him out of high school and put him in a long term rehab. He was extremely upset at us for disrupting his last year of high school and of course I have spent countless hours second guessing everything we did. As parents I know we made a lot of mistakes not really understanding this disease. I guess with other diseases, the afflicted isn't usually screaming the F-word at you. I don't want to get to detailed but my son at 18 years old just could not (and would not) stay at the rehab more then 5 months. It was a one year program. He went to a sober house last Sept. and was doing well until he went to listen to live music at a club one night and did acid. The kids learn at rehab that acid slips through the drug tests. He was asked to leave the sober house so he came to live with us in October. He became quite depressed when he got home because all his friends were in college and I think he felt lost and like a loser.:( Although we knew he had a substance abuse disorder, we decided to let him give college a try. We thought if he felt like a "regular kid", his age it might change his outlook on life. He had been accepted to Coastal Carolina University in his senior year of high school so we contacted them to see if he could start mid-semester. We headed down to SC (we live in the NYC area) mid-January... he died 8 days after school began. I am running out of room but I want the colleges notify us and treat us like kids with other diseases,and notify when first drunk occurs.

It was a battle..no it was war!! If I could have fought for him I would have!!

"The intruder called addiction enters our home.

My beautiful boy, Josh, was deeply spiritual and to everyone around him seemed grounded and loving life. That said, he set his bar high and could not easily forgive himself for perceived shortcomings. He lived a secret life of fear beguiled by feelings of failure which would often thrust him into the depths of despair. His challenge was to live in a world he thought expected so much more than he felt he could give. His struggle with this internal conflict led him to substance abuse – to self-medicate followed by extreme alcoholism which, in the end, led him down a destructive physical path resulting in his accidental death - at the age of 27.

As a child, Josh was a sweet, sensitive, silly little boy. He was a deep thinker who often got lost in this own thoughts. Josh was very content to spend hours by himself creating little books and cartooning about things that interested him. His comical antics entertained his buddies and his brothers and sisters to no end.

As a middle school student Josh became very interested in the 60’s culture; beginning with the music of the times, then going deeper into the free spirit movement of love and the expanding of one's mind by the use of drugs. This influence intrigued him and, in hindsight, he seemed to be on the road to adopting many of the cultural ideals of that time as he grew into his teens. Josh was a delightful child, well mannered and a focused student who achieved academic success. He was a leader among his peers and a good example for his younger siblings. Though he had been an athlete, playing baseball, football and soccer; by high school there was just something about competition that disagreed with Josh and he did not feel it was worth his time anymore. He dove into student government, community service, creative writing and dramatic arts. He was able to cheerfully balance his studies with a job and the demanding schedules of drama and his newspaper column. It was during high school in the 90's when he first became an advocate for people's rights. To him it appeared that judgment by others toward some of his peers was unjust and hurtful. He began to take steps toward not standing out from the crowd because he felt it was blatantly unfair to judge people - whether by the clothes they wore, the grades they achieved or the homes they came from. Josh was a leader and he responsibly took a stand for equality.

We truly did not know about any drug use during those years. Like many parents of our generation, if they were to be honest, we suspected that there was some use of marijuana or alcohol going on at times; however, we truly did not see any signs of abuse and we did not see any indication of use around our house. We took steps to know where he was and who he was with whenever possible and we networked with other parents to do the same. After all, we just wanted the kids to be safe. Not unlike other parents, our concern was focused on safety and not on the danger of our child becoming either an alcoholic or drug addict. We counseled our children and tried to teach by setting boundaries and a good example; not ever considering that a child of ours would ever become an addict.

Later, of course, we would come to know that Josh was one of those people referred to as a functional user in that he could turn his use on and off and be successfully employed, achieve academically in college and maintain a life, despite the secret use of drugs and alcohol. He would use so that he could stay awake long hours to accomplish everything that was on his plate. Josh seemed to know when he was using too much and he could find resources to aid him in either cutting back on use or ceasing to use for periods of time. He would run, ride his bike and enjoy being out in nature at times when he would try to stop smoking as well. He said that addicts need to substitute one compulsive act with another.” He was hoping that fitness would be something he could substitute for drugs choosing a healthy lifestyle over substances. However, he expressed his fear of leaving drug use behind as alcohol was beckoning him to use.

Sadly, Josh was right, alcohol got him good. It was during that last year when he was in the throes of alcoholism, before he went into residential recovery that he told me, you know Mom, I have tried almost every type of drug, and alcohol is the worst, nastiest, and deadliest one of all because it is easily accessible, expected socially and over-use is generally accepted.

Josh knew he was an addict, that substances had long taken his power away and were controlling his life – not the other way around. Before he went into a recovery program he said, Mom, please understand that I am 99% there, but you need to know that I have to be 100% sure I can be successful before I do this.” Already, he had placed an unrealistic expectation on himself. Once on a visit to see him in residential care, he said these people are lost, that one has suffered incest, the other rape, another prison and so many come from dysfunctional and angry homes. How did I get here Mom? I have had a charmed life full of love and nurturing.” Based on his own faith and beliefs his dismay continued, and these people are being asked to connect with their higher power and they do not have a clue what that is!” He was truly baffled about how he got there. Yet in spite of what our intellect tells us, some people will become addicts after abusing drugs and/or alcohol, and others, given the same set of circumstances, will not.

Josh put undue pressure on himself to succeed the first time in recovery. He did not want to cause anyone pain – which is why he hid his use from us. Being an addict is not fun. The shame and stigma of addiction runs deep. I read after Josh’s death from a former addict that when you support someone that you love with encouragement and affirmations for their progress, sadly, sometimes the only thing they hear is Mom and Dad love me so much..and I am a failure.” The pain of their burden is in many cases too difficult for them to bear. It is an excruciating position to be in – for family and also for the addicted. Of course we worried and of course we were watching. Parents just do that. What pressure that created for Josh. Being supportive and encouraging the people you love is the right thing to do to help them on their journey, isn't it? I had not looked at this disease through his eyes. I understand now that in some ways my continued affirmations may have had the effect of making Josh feel even more ashamed.

ADDICTION IS A DISEASE It should be treated as a disease and there should not be shame and stigma associated with it or with the treatment or recovery for the disease.

Mistakenly, you cannot just love your children through this disease. Love is not enough. If you could simply love people through diseases, we could do the same to cure our families of cancer, diabetes or heart disease. Addicts are not having fun. They are living with the destructive physical, emotional and mental ramifications of their painful disease. They need compassion and treatment just like others receive when they succumb to disease.

I thought Josh was doing well that last day when twice we spoke. He was a bit anxious about coming home that night. He said “I don’t have anything to offer the wedding festivities (for his very best friend) because I haven’t found a job yet.” I assured him that we would take care of the expenses and that we were all looking forward to having him home for a few weeks. You see, Josh was coming home for his friend’s bachelor party and he told me he was going to be the designated driver that night. Instead, he never arrived home – having accidentally overdosed the night before. His bag was packed, coat and keys by bedside waiting for his ride. The shame and stigma of having gone through months of residential rehab and not “being okay” was more than he could bear. It was clear, Josh did not want to use, he did not want to disappoint the twelve men waiting for him, and he did not want to hurt us anymore. Tragically, sometimes there are no do-overs.

Sadly, Josh’s story is not unique. Residential treatment programs are only the beginning in a difficult journey to sobriety. A residential treatment program is not enough. The right program – a comprehensive scientifically proven method of trained professionals, at a cost families can afford, with follow up and consistent extended care - is the key. Josh had every promise for success; only to die of an accidental overdose three months, to the day, from his entry into the program.

Josh thought he was ready to overcome his challenges and stay clean and sober on his own. It was too soon. What Josh needed was a place go that provided a continued sober living environment, in the company and support of others, who, with like experiences and understanding, face the same struggles with substance abuse. What Josh needed was more time and a place to bridge the path between treatment and a sober life. It is time for parents and society to look at addiction with a new set of eyes – this nightmare has to end for young people and for families like ours across the country. I believe that Shatterproof * Stronger than Addiction is the way."

As a teenager, we were aware that he was drinking, as were all the neighborhood kids. I guess we also sort of knew he smoked pot, again as most of his peers did. His first true love was a beautiful girl and they were a happy and beautiful couple. However, infidelity, on John's part destroyed that relationship and this fueled his need for self medication. Along with his difficulty coping with his legal issues, he obtained a couple of DUI's that left him without a drivers license and ultimately required some jail time. All of this downward spiral increased his use of prescription drugs. He was diagnosed with ADD and was given a prescription of Adderall, which he learned to miss use and was exposed through off campus parties to pills like Percocet. Some of his friends from that time told me that none of them knew the dangers of taking drugs such as these. They did not know how addictive they were. John was always trying to "feel normal" as he would say. It never, ever occurred to either my husband or I that he would ever make the horrible decision to use heroin. He and I were extremely close through these times. We talked about his drug use and he promised me he would never do that, and unfortunately I wanted to believe him. His behavior, days sleeping and up and running all night became routine. My husband and I were at odds on how to deal with his issues. I could never have kicked him out, I could not have lived with myself. After he told us he was using heroin, as shocked as I was it was my job was to save him. He had told me many times that he wanted me to call the police on him because in jail he couldn't use. Several stretches of being clean, then something would trigger a relapse. He hated his life, he hated hurting us and he was in constant emotional pain. He dealt with this issue for 12 years. Our lives were in turmoil for 12 years. His pain finally ended on 5-5-11. I would go through it all a million times if I could have him back.

Tyler didn't want this life of addiction. Right before entering High School Tyler, along with his friends, started to experiment with alcohol and pot, which eventually led up to pain pills. At that point, Ty really didn't believe that he would become addicted. His life quickly spiraled out of control when he went off to college. He decided that he needed to move across the country to get away from drugs. He enjoyed a year and a half of living in Colorado, drug free, before moving home again. He had periods of being sober, and relapses, but he wanted to be "100% drug free." He was working on that when he experienced his first, and only, overdose. His family was told that he had a "life ending brain injury" and wouldn't make it through the night however he lived on life support for three more days before dying on his sisters birthday, December 23, 2012.

Greg experimented in late middle school and early high school. The experimentation escalated up the chain. His disease caused him to twice withdraw from college. The disease led to a path of heroin, first snorting and finally injecting. Despite 17 months of being clean, and in part assisted by alcohol, he attempted to "scratch the itch" one more time. Greg made a very bad decision and it proved to be fatal.

Anxiety and depression led to self medication that continued until it took over entirely - the system didn't help

Derek started using before he hit puberty and there were years where he was sober but he spent the majority of his life using something. He would show up to family dinners high. You would be on the phone with him and slowly start realizing he had taken something and would slur. He was found face down in his apartment by his mother three days after Thanksgiving. He had gone to a dealer for heroin after leaving the meal and probably died that night or the morning after. It was our worst fear come true.