The National Addiction Memorial honors the loved ones we’ve lost.

Beautiful daughter, mother, sister, friend.
Compassionate and loving. Would give you the shirt off your back. Miss her so much. Two years clean and passed from 100% fentanyl 💔💔💔

“I need help, mom. I can’t pay my mortgage.” That was how the conversation started that forever and dramatically changed our family’s lives. It was early 2012. My son – my smart, handsome, athletic, successful, loving son, Clay, broke down and confessed that he was addicted to opiate pain pills. Our 6-year struggle that ended in the most unfathomable tragedy had just begun.

Clayton (Clay) was truly the All-American boy. He was raised in a close-knit, Christian, middle-class family in small town Waynesville, NC. Although his father and I divorced when Clay was in 2nd grade, we co-parented well and he had very loving stepparents. He was the oldest of our two boys and was very close with his younger brother, Bradley. He was also a self-proclaimed "mama's boy". Clay excelled both academically and athletically and was a standout baseball player. He was an avid outdoorsman and his favorite hobbies were fly-fishing, hunting, hiking, and playing disc golf. He also loved to read and was a beautiful writer of short-stories and poetry. He had a servant’s calling and loved volunteering, especially with special-needs kids at school. Clay had a tender heart. He loved big, spread happiness with grace and had a laugh that was so contagious you couldn’t help but laugh, too. To know Clay was to love Clay. He made friends with ease, was respected by his peers and appreciated by his teachers. “His smile is unforgettable,” one of his teachers told me.

After graduating from high school in 2007, Clay attended community Ccollege where he continued to excel academically. He then transferred to Western Carolina University (WCU), where he chose business and entrepreneurship as his major. He dreamed of owning a fly-fishing shop and being a fly-fishing guide. Even while he was full-time student, Clay worked hard to establish excellent credit and he purchased a home when he was only 22 years old.

All through his teen years, Clay suffered from chronic sinus infections. He also had a deviated septum from an injury. In 2011, he had a routine, outpatient sinus surgery. He was prescribed percocet. When he ran out, he called for a refill. The doctor wrote him another prescription. Then another. Unbeknownst to us, Clay became dependent on and addicted to opioids. For about a year, he was what I now refer to as a “functioning addict”. He was buying pills on the street secretly yet able to maintain a pretty outwardly ‘normal’ appearing life – steady girlfriend, good job, nice house. Then life started unraveling for Clay. The further into his addiction he spiraled, the more money it took. That’s when he asked for help for the first time. I remember the conversation like yesterday. We were sitting in my car and Clay told me he couldn’t pay his mortgage because he had spent all his money on pills. He told me he had a drug addiction and needed rehab. And that’s when the dreadful, chaotic cycle of addiction and rehabilitation that became Clay’s life for the next six years began.

I painfully watched my son go to rehab, get sober, get sick, relapse, go back to rehab, get sober, get sick and relapse again. Every time he relapsed it got worse. I watched with a broken heart as he fought and failed and his life was no longer his to control. He lost his girlfriend, he lost jobs, he sold most of what he had to feed his habit. We turned his house into a rental so he wouldn’t lose it. Still, Clay’s father and I never gave up on him. We helped him get to rehab after rehab from city to city, state to state. Each time hopeful that it would be the last. Somewhere around 2015 or 2016 after a relapse, Clay was introduced to heroin because it was quicker, easier to get, and much cheaper.

We couldn’t believe it. Our sweet son who had the world at his fingertips and who, by the way, was terrified of needles, had become an intravenous heroin user. We were crushed. He was crushed. He fought so hard to free himself from the strongholds of addiction. I remember him crying on the phone one day, “Why me, mom? How did this happen to me? I don’t want this addiction. I try so hard”.

October 31, 2017, Clay became an uncle. He checked himself into a detox center and rehab that very day. This time was going to be different, he said. He had an unstoppable determination to beat his addiction so he could be the best uncle possible. During Clay’s two month stay at a short-term facility, we were desperately trying to find a long-term treatment center. By chance, I bumped into a childhood friend of my son’s and he told me about the Greater Piedmont Teen Challenge – a faith-based, long-term recovery program for men. Reluctant and nervous but desperate to beat this demon of addiction once and for all, Clay checked into Teen Challenge January 8, 2018.

While at Teen Challenge, Clay flourished. His faith grew and he was full of hope and excitement. For the first time in several years I had my son back! He wrote me, his dad and his grandparents the most positive, upbeat letters. We were overjoyed. He called me just about every day and we visited on a regular basis. We talked about the future. His dream was to work at Teen Challenge. He wanted to help others who fought the difficult fight of addiction. The Director of Teen Challenge wrote in one newsletter, “Clay is a special young man…..He is full of joy and peace….When you see Clay, you see a big smile. He loves people and wants to show the love of God”. That was my son. That is who he was.

Clay “graduated” from Teen Challenge August 4, 2018. He was accepted into their re-entry program which allowed him to continue living there but gave him more freedoms. He remained determined to stay clean and continued to surround himself with the right people. He met a lovely young lady at church and almost immediately they were inseparable. They went to church together, bible study, and hiked. One afternoon, in early September Clay and his girlfriend went on a hike. While on the hike they came upon a mailbox on the ground. Painted on the side of the mailbox were the words, “A Box for Your Thoughts”. When they looked in the box, they discovered an array of poems, short stories, and inspirational thoughts. Clay opened his backpack, got out a piece of paper, jotted something down and put it in the box. “We better get going,” he said. When his girlfriend asked what he wrote, Clay simply replied, “Just something I hope will minister to someone some day” and kept on walking. It wasn’t until she went back alone a few weeks later, that his girlfriend found what Clay had written and put in the box: Matthew 11:28 “Come to me all who are weary and carry heavy burden and I will give you rest”.

Toward the end of September Clay had decided it was time to move from the “dorm” setting of Teen Challenge and into an apartment. He had been sober for 11 months - he longest run in six years. We were so proud of him. We were so excited for his future. He talked about selling his house so he could buy a house in Greensboro because he loved it there. We were overcome with joy that he had fought such a hard fight and won. FINALLY! So we thought.

Clay found an apartment in Greensboro and was scheduled to move in Thursday, September 27, 2018. His stepmom arranged to bring him a bedroom set and my parents made plans to bring living room furniture the following week. I called Walmart and ordered him a TV. Everything was falling into place perfectly. His last night at Teen Challenge, September 26, 2018, Clay sent a group text to his father, stepmother, me and my husband and here is what it said, “I was just laying in bed before I fall asleep and wanted to tell you all that I pray for y’all and love y’all so much! It means so much to me that you have stuck with me and never gave up on me even when I fell so short and I have the best parents and stepparents anyone could ask for! A nighttime text doesn’t do justice to the sincere gratitude and love I have so thank you so much for all that all of you do for me and I love you so much!! Goodnight”.

The morning of September 27, 2017, Clay signed a lease for his new apartment and picked up the keys. His stepmother met him there with his bedroom furniture. The day was full of excitement and happiness. He moved all his personal belongings in. That evening, he went grocery shopping with his girlfriend. He sent me a Snapchat photo of the two of them in his new kitchen and the caption read, “New Life Begins”. It warmed my heart and made me smile. Thankfully, I took a screenshot of the photo. We talked on the phone that night around 8pm. He was excited about moving and thanked me again for believing in him. He told me he loved me. His girlfriend left around 9:30pm. That was about the time I received my last text message from my son. It said, “Goodnight love u”. I texted back, “Goodnight. I love you more”.

The next morning, Friday, September 28, 2019 started out pretty uneventful - my husband and & were in Hickory, NC, with some friends. I sent Clay a text message around lunchtime. He didn’t answer. I wasn’t concerned because I knew he was at work. I sent him another text at 2pm. Still no answer. I figured he’d call me after work. At 3:53pm my cell phone rang from a 336-area code number which I knew to be Greensboro. I laughed to myself thinking it must be Clay calling from a friend’s phone. (It was not uncommon for him to let his phone die.) I was wrong. Instead it was a stranger’s voice on the other end and a call that would literally stop my world from turning.

My son had not shown up for work that morning and no one could reach him. Clay had never missed work. Some friends from Teen Challenge asked his new landlord to let them in his apartment for a ‘wellness check’ because they were concerned. Their fear became reality. Clay was found at 10:10am. He was gone. Forever taken from this world at 29 years old. There was a needle in the bathroom and he was found slumped over on the floor of his walk-in closet, where he had apparently been unpacking his clothes. It was as if he became tired, sat down up against the wall and went to sleep. He was presumed to have died of a drug overdose.

It wasn’t until six months later when we received his autopsy report that we learned his cause of death was ‘Acetyl Fentanyl and Fentanyl Toxicity’. Our son, like so many, was killed by fentanyl poisoning. My life has never been the same.

Through all the pain and grief, I knew I had to do SOMETHING. I knew there were other moms (and dads and family members) living the nightmare of having a family member affected by drug addiction or worse yet, who have lost a child or family member to the opioid drug crisis. My passion is to bring awareness and do what I can to help remove the stigma of addiction. But also, my desire is to offer support to other moms and families so that no one who finds themselves in these shoes ever feels like they have to suffer in silence. I fight this fight and I share my son’s story so people know – addiction does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone. I know firsthand. It happened to my family. It happened to my son… my smart, handsome, athletic, successful, loving son. He was over-prescribed opioids and opioids later stole my son from me, from my family. He fell victim to this horrific drug crisis which is now a national epidemic. For him and all the others, I fight on!

A Mother’s Pledge
God picked me to be your mom
And although you’re gone, my job is not done
I will always work hard to make you proud
When you look down from above the clouds
I will try to be stronger, laugh louder, even sing
For you, my angel with God-given wings
I will never let your sweet memory die
Even though in this world, we had to say goodbye
Your last words to me were “I love you, goodnight”
And that’s the night you lost your fight
Sometimes I get angry and just want to know why
Because you battled so hard – you prayed and you tried
When I think of your love and how you helped others
I couldn’t be more proud that I am your mother
So I will share your memories and I will tell your story
Because if it helps just one, WOW! What Glory!!
You wanted everyone free from the grips of addiction
I will champion your cause to disarm this affliction
I will work hard and with passion, determination and love
Because I know you’ll be leading the way from above
You will be my strength when I am tired and weak
You will be the words when I struggle to speak
I know you’ll be with me as I fight this tough fight
You’ll forever and always be my bright guiding light
One day at a time, that’s what we learned
One step at a time is how victory is earned
So, with you by my side and holding my heart
Today is the day that my battle starts
I will do what I can to bring awareness and teach
I will help spread the word to every person I reach
I will help end the stigma so others may learn
This demon lurks around every corner they turn
Addiction is real and can touch anyone
No matter who you are or where you come from
No one chooses this horrific disease
It attacks with no mercy and its grip won’t release
But this mother promises all my remaining tomorrows
To help prevent another mom’s sorrow
I will pray for guidance, wisdom and knowledge
For you and all others, this is my pledge

By: Michele Rogers (Clay's Mom)

Son, Grandson, Brother, Fiance, Father! And Uncle Josh to his nieces and nephews! A zillion friends! Funny, hardworking, fiercely loyal! He lived more in 27 years than most live in a lifetime! All in, all the time! Sweet boy, Mama misses you! We all do, so much!

Patrick was my cousin. He was always the jokester and the one who was always getting in trouble for mischief as a kid. He had such a big heart for family and loved his wife and family dearly. He never got the chance to be a father and that breaks my heart everyday. I tried to get help because I've been there and go through staying sober daily. Sometimes hourly. He was my family and because of a knee injury 10 years ago, he became addicted to opiates. He tried getting help at a clinic but was still using.

Austin was the bright light in our world. Austin's father and I adored him. He had a smile that would light up a room. He was a beautiful soul. Austin loved life, but like a lot of young people in our society, he had his share of struggles. Austin experimented with recreational drugs and unfortunately fell into the grips of unattended misuse. I was trying to help him come to terms with his problem and get the support he found himself so desperately needing, but to our heartbreak he gave in to his addiction and took a drug that was laced with fentanyl unbeknownst to him and he was taken away from us forever. We live our life now full of grief and heartache. Our lives have forever changed. He was my only child, my reason for living. My heart is shattered beyond repair. I pray for a peaceful heart 🙏💔

My kids and I miss him so much. He was our Papa, the great furry giant who made us laugh and feel safe. He got into opiates at a low point in his life and was gone within six months. He didn’t mean to die. He would never have left Lucy and Milo. But fentanyl doesn’t care who it kills.

My brother Calin Robert Sender passed away on 17 January 2020 of an accidental overdose. He was 30 years old. Calin loved life and he thrived on family and friends. He had the gift of making everyone laugh. In a senior project he wrote that he wanted to be remembered as “the guy that could always make you smile.” Calin’s smile would brighten any room, and wherever he was laughter would be heard.

Calin loved music, specifically rap music. Calin wrote his own lyrics as well. He enjoyed paintball with his dad, soccer, wake boarding, and snow boarding. Calin loved to cook and was really good at it too. Calin dreamed of being a chef and starting a family one day.

Calin’s struggle with addiction started his senior of high school in 2008. Calin partied, as most seniors do, but during that time, his best friend passed away, and it affected Calin deeply. Calin struggled with guilt and depression with the loss of his friend. For years, Calin was taking opioids. Even though Calin was taking pills, he was still a very hard worker. He always kept a job and he liked working.

In 2017, while living in Las Vegas, Calin reached out to me for help and I flew him to North Carolina. I helped Calin detox for a few weeks and then I had to deploy. I hated that I had to leave him. For the next few months my brother lived with my husband (boyfriend at the time). When I got back from deployment, Calin flew back to Las Vegas and unfortunately, relapsed.

In 2018, Calin’s cousin took him in to her home and enrolled him in rehab for the first time. He was sober for months. He looked great and felt great. He loved living with his cousins.

In 2019, while I was in California for work and seeing family, my brother came over. I couldn’t tell if he was on anything, and even if he was he would deny it. During this visit, I needed help with my one year old daughter. My brother watched her for two days. After he watched her, he admitted to me he was taking pills again. I was never mad at him, I was sad, because I knew his potential.

In summer 2019, Calin took the initiative himself to enroll in rehab. I thought this was a good thing because he was doing it for himself this time. Calin knew he struggled and even requested to stay longer at the rehab center. Calin spent his 30th birthday sober and was baptized on 22 September 2019. We were all excited for Calin and his plans for the future. Calin got a job at California Pizza Kitchen and moved into a house in Temecula.

At the time of his death, Calin was planning on attending EMT school. Calin loved interacting with people and helping people. He didn’t want to die; he loved life.

Calin is finally at peace in the arms of God. Calin will be missed by our parents, Kelly and Cory, stepmom, Roxanne, his step-siblings, all his cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and friends.

I love you bud.

My nephew Michael was a smart, talented, and outgoing person. He could make friends with anyone and was often the life of the party, or class clown, when he was young. He effortlessly played guitar and drums. Michael could pick up on any type of music and join in and this was his passion. In his late teens he started making some poor decisions as many young people do. He seemed to always be the one to get caught for every little thing. This led to multiple misdemeanors for simple possession, petty theft, trespassing, etc. Once he was on the radar of the local cops, it never stopped. He was a suspect for everything. With his long but unremarkable record and being on probation constantly it was difficult for him to get ahead. Hard to find a good job, apartment, etc. He eventually became addicted to heroin. In December 2018 he started a 90 day rehab program. He came home in March 2019 and was doing great. He got a good full-time job that he loved, was paying his bills, etc. Michael was his old self again and we enjoyed being around him. He was spending time with his two kids, who are 4 and 5 years old. He was seemingly in that "good place" and improving each day. On October 26th 2019, alone in his home, he choose heroin for the last time and it won. I don't have any answers but something has to change. We need to get this drug off the street. The legal system needs to stop setting up petty, non-violent offenders for failure with each and every conviction. Work programs and mental health assistance are a must!

Bruce Alfred Merkler, 63, passed away on Sunday, January 12, 2020 in Easton, PA, where he resided for the past four years. Born in Plainfield, NJ, Bruce was raised in Westfield by his mother, Marie “Dosie” Sisto Merkler, and his father, Larry Merkler, among many aunts, uncles, and cousins. Bruce graduated from Westfield High School in 1974 and continued higher education classes in construction while living in Phoenix, AZ. Bruce worked in construction his entire career, most notably as a superintendent for commercial construction sites in New Jersey, New York, Arizona, and California, building movie theaters, retail stores, large apartment buildings, schools, and office buildings. A life-long Oakland Raiders fan, Bruce’s tattoo of the Raider emblem showed his pride for his favorite team. Bruce always brought a smile and a laugh to anyone, as he was always ready to crack a joke. He made friends with everybody he met, and those who were lucky to be close with him, knew how much he valued the relationships he built. His generosity will never be forgotten, as you could always look to him for a favor, no matter how big or small. He is survived by a daughter, a sister, a niece, and two nephews, along with his ex-wife and best friend.

Brett had a heart of gold...he would do anything for anybody.
He had such great potential but the demon drug took it all away.
We can not lose one more beautiful life to this disease.

It is almost impossible to capture a person on a tribute page. Our mother will not be defined as an addict with a mental illness, but rather as a human being who was loving, generous, funny, beautiful, strong and resilient. Mom embodied the spirit of helping those around her, regardless of how others saw her or her peers. We miss her every day but know she is at peace.

"Love as powerful as your mother's for you
leaves it's own mark. To have been loved
so deeply, even though the person who loved
us is gone, will give us some protection forever."
- J.K. Rowling

Let me introduce you to Ryan Moore. As a 25 year old, Ryan loved life and all it had to offer. Ryan loved music, playing drums, and going to concerts, especially with mosh pits. His favorite band was “A Day to Remember”. He was caring, empathetic, and had the biggest heart. He had many new things in his life – his own apartment, a girlfriend, a job cooking at a restaurant that he loved. He worked many hours, but said that was good because it kept him busy and gave him a chance to save some money. Ryan told me that he wanted to set up a weight bench in the basement so that he could start working out again. Working out made him feel good. Ryan did not have much in his apartment, but what he had I know meant a lot to him. Ryan was working hard on being an adult and being independent. As his mom, I was so proud of him, but I was also scared.
Having a child that suffers from substance use disorders and been to rehab more than once, leaves you cautious. I did not ask the hard questions to my son because I was scared of the answers. Now I live with the guilt of those unasked and unanswered questions.
I never sent Ryan money. I was afraid that he would buy drugs or alcohol. Instead, I sent care packages. In early December 2018, I sent Ryan a care package. Ryan lived in CT while I live in FL. Ryan texted me on Sunday, December 16 that he received the package and loved the blanket. We said that we loved each other. At 4:00pm on Monday, December 17, 2018, my life forever changed. I got the call that Ryan was dead. My youngest son was gone. Died alone in his apartment. It was ruled accidental overdose (heroin with fentanyl) but I call it drug–induced homicide. No one was ever charged with his murder.
The bright and promising future for my son is gone. Ryan’s addicted brain won the battle and he lost the fight on December 17, 2018 at only 25 years young. I found out after his death that he was going into rehab that day. I will never see my son married, become a father, go to college, or become an uncle to his brother’s children. I miss his smile. I miss his laugh. I mostly miss his hugs. There are no more new memories to be made. All I can do is make sure that Ryan did not die in vain. He was too special to this world to be forgotten. It was my job to teach Ryan about the world. Now it's my job to teach the world about Ryan. Opioids killed my son. I am forever changed because I am forever heartbroken.
I am Forever Ryan’s Mom. Remember his name, Ryan Moore.

Our mother had a beautiful soul. She was the strongest woman we ever could have known. She had a laugh that would light up a room and she made an impact on everyone she met. Her addiction began with physical pain and doctors who thought they were doing right. Even in the middle of it, she uprooted her life and moved home to take care of her dying mom, which she did with strength, compassion, and love. She fought this storm that she was never meant to come out of. I don't know why God called her home when he did, why things happened, but I know it wasn't in vain. Because of her, I have begun a new career path, starting with becoming a peer specialist, and I will devote the rest of my life to helping others win the battle she couldn't. Her loss will allow others to live. Family was everything to her and this loss has propelled her children, and our children, to places we never thought we'd be. Because of Mom, we are strong and resilient. Because of Mom, we are kind and compassionate.

Logan Thomas Walls was always a child with a big smile! He was delightful, fearless, and curious. He was also an introvert, a follower, and a people pleaser - he wanted to bring happiness to others. As he grew older, he felt different, and he had pain that he covered up. Logan suffered with depression and low self esteem. But, as a contrast, he was gifted in music and taught himself to play the bass, guitar, and keyboard! He was beginning to develop his talents in acting, voice-over acting, and audio recording. He was always so humble and self-deprecating but his talents were exceptional! One night, he wanted to celebrate. He found an acquaintance and now Logan is gone from this earth. I didn't get to see him for five days. It was agonizing to not see my son, hold him, hug him, touch his forehead, kiss his cheek. There are many: "I wish's"; "why didn't I"; "why him Lord"; "if only I could have"; and many other questions. Something good has to come from the loss of my son!

Evan was an only child who had an exciting and adventurous life. He traveled the world. Having grown up in the Clearwater, Florida, area his whole life, he had a passion for the water. His happiest times were boating with his father and many wonderful friends over his lifetime. He most loved lobster diving in the FL keys. He also loved golfing. Evan was very intelligent, well rounded, and so kindhearted. He had no tattoos or body piercings. He fought hard to beat his addiction, especially the last few years before his death. He was in and out of rehab and that was a battle alone, just handling the insurance companies and finding the right level of care at just the right time. Evan had the biggest heart and expressed so much love and gratitude for the support given by his parents and by me. I know he’s still with me. I want to write a book about it all. He was an amazing person on so many levels aside from his addiction. When he smiled he smiled with his whole face. However, he would tell me about the shame he felt and the guilt for its impact to his parents lives. He was hurting emotionally so badly and also developed very serious health issues related to the addiction that complicated his rehab. Evan kept the 11th Step Prayer over his bed, “Lord make me a channel of Thy peace...” which ends “It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen”

Chris was loving and kind. His family and friends meant the world to him. He was loved by many and will be missed by many.

Tommy fought long and hard to beat his addiction. He was a kind son and brother who we all miss dearly--more than words can express.

Logan was always a brother to look up to or a son to be proud of. He taught himself many different instruments including guitar and piano that helped brighten up those around him. He may have had his faults but that didn't stop him from loving or being loved. This world is too uncertain to let loved ones slip through the cracks. If you or someone you know is trubbled with something, either major or minor, lend an ear. It's the least that could be done and it may save a life.