Robert Eugene Doan Jr.

Today little brother, I got the call I knew would come one day. But I was still not prepared for it. It's hard to believe that even though we didn't get along, we will never get another chance to disagree. I'm so glad we had that last conversation just a few weeks ago and it was a good one. I didn't like you much but I always loved you.

I urge you to tell your family and friends you love them before that opportunity doesn't exist anymore. And if there is anything that needs to be forgiven, please, I beg of you to forgive today.

My brother and I had a very strained relationship for many years. About four weeks ago I felt God urging me to offer forgiveness to him and to ask him for his forgiveness. We had the first decent conversation we'd had in years and while we still disagreed, we were able to say I love you before we hung up the phone. I had no idea how important that last phone call would be until this morning at 4 am when the sheriff called to say my brother had died suddenly. Now there are no more opportunities to argue or say I love you or to share Jesus with him.

So please, do it today if you still can!!!

Robert "Bobby" Eugene Doan Jr., born on January 11, 1971 in Marathon, Florida, to Elizabeth Curtiss and the late Robert Eugene Doan Sr, passed away at age 47 on September 22, 2018 in Spring Hope, North Carolina. He was an employee at Blair Maintenance. Robert was preceded in death by his son, Robert Doan III; and stepsister, Renee' O'Connor. He is survived by his sons, Steven Doan and Jerry Doan; daughter, Jessica Doan; sister, Regina Rodgers; stepsisters, Doris Tart and Cheryl Brown; grandchildren, Madison, Lyla, Hunter, Zachary, and Ava; niece, Rebekah Salinas; and nephew, Michael Bolton.

Bobby was a son, a brother, a father, an uncle...and someone with an addiction. There were two sides to him...the loving, big-hearted but very headstrong side, and then there was the person suffering from addiction who hurt everyone and made everything difficult. You never knew which person you were going to deal with from one moment to the next. The words below were written by my daughter the day we got the call:

So many times I've watched addiction take hold of the people I love, and make them a totally different person. So many times I've prayed for them, and that God would step in and take that desire away from them. So many times I've hated them for letting their addiction take over their lives, and take away everything they have. So many times I've been angry at my "merciful" and "loving" God for not stepping in and saving them from their addiction. So many times I've hated their loved ones that seem to enable them. So many times I've just wanted to give up on them because "they'll never change." I know that people with an addiction have so many demons that they are constantly battling. I know for some no matter how hard they try, they will never outrun those demons. I know that their addiction doesn't just affect them. I know how hard it is to watch the people you love slowly slip away because they just couldn't shake their addiction. I know the pain of feeling like you should've prayed harder, begged them more, pleaded with them more, been there for them more... Maybe that would've worked, but probably not. I know the fear when you get a call in the middle of the night just hoping it's not to tell you that they have passed away. I know that gut wrenching pain when you realize they are gone. I know how all of the "what if" questions swirl crazily through your mind non-stop. I know what it's like to have to tell family members that their loved one is gone... I know that even if no cause of death is given you still wonder if the addiction is what killed them. I know that it's hard loving someone with an addiction, especially when you have a strained relationship, because you had to protect yourself from the devastation that addiction causes. I know that for so many that have never struggled with addiction, or don't have a loved one struggling with it, it's easy to believe that you can "just walk away", or that "they're not trying hard enough to get sober". Please understand that addiction takes over every part of you, and you become a slave. I don't care how long someone is sober they will always struggle with the urges of their addiction. Please pray for all the families affected by addiction; for all the parents worrying about a child they haven't heard from that just pray their baby is somewhere safe; for all the children watching their parent be consumed; and for all the people trying desperately to reach out to their friends. Please pray because addiction has such a far reaching path of devastation.

Our hearts are broken, but I am more determined than ever to fight for those who aren't able to fight for themselves. God be with us all!!!