Nicky Alexander Bartolotta

Nicky was an amazing child to raise, an old soul from the beginning. He spoke in sentences at nine months and walked at 10 months. He was brilliant, beautiful, and so very kind. He was overweight as a child and some kids were complete jerks to him--although he had his defenders. I think that because of this he felt such empathy for others. From elementary school on his teachers would tell me they would discuss higher learning the other kids just didn’t comprehend.They loved talking to him. The summer before ninth grade Nicky decided to change his appearance and to get healthy. That summer he lost 120 pounds and taught himself Japanese! But he started to get too thin and we saw signs of a problem. He went to therapy and his weight leveled out to a healthy weight but he would always struggle with body issues. We later found out through counseling that he was dealing with some gender issues. He entered high school and the trouble began. It was identified--he found that drugs made him feel better. His strong science/chemistry interest proved to be less of a good thing. We went through all the horrible stuff that families of a sick kid does, the ODs, the rehabs (which, at the time was so bad for adolescents as they just didn’t have the right tools or many options). The fights, distrust, all that. Although he couldn’t bring himself to steal from us, he was relentless when he wanted something and that stubbornness was horrifying. Nick made friends with everyone and would go out of his way for a friend. He had friends that were straight and those that weren’t throughout his life and separated those from each other. As his boss and friend spoke of him at his memorial, he would be great for a while and then just go dark. He lived with his sweet non-addicted girlfriend and kept dealers and substances separate. Except really can that ever be? I don’t know how many emergency rooms and psych hospitals I’ve sat in and visited but the chaos for all of us got extremely difficult. It was excruciating to see his pain. He couldn’t stand hurting himself or us. As you can see, the struggles were there early. It's the chicken or egg thing which came first--depression/then drugs then depression because of drugs?He had a small, stupid court case and I went with him. It was dismissed. We went out to lunch to celebrate. He looked healthy, strong, and softly beautiful at the same time that day so I snapped a pic. I'm so happy to have it. Although we always knew that messing with opiates--especially now with the fentanyl problem --could end him we hoped that it wouldn’t. I call it chemical Russian Roulette. Anyone misusing chemicals understands in the back of their mind that they can die from them, consciously or unconsciously. Understanding the risks. On Friday October 26, 2018 Nicky and his girlfriend had lunch together and made dinner and weekend plans. She spoke with him around 3:45 and would be home about 5. She walked in the door and she immediately tried Narcan, called 911 and attempted CPR to no avail. The police showed up immediately but he was gone. The police from our area -Nick lived an hour away came to our house later that night. We were thinking maybe he was arrested? I still have some PTSD from that as I screamed a sound I’ve never heard come from me and replay the events of that night in my head. Some months later, his girlfriend and I had lunch and she felt guilty for not being home from work earlier, feeling that maybe she could have saved him. I told her we were so happy that she had been in his life the last few years and that if it wasn’t that day it would have been another. We are so devastated. My husband, his younger brother, my parents, Nicky’s and our friends and family. I was inspired to hear the first words from people about Nick was “He was such a beautiful soul.” Each day is different now and always will be......