What does summer mean to you? As children, it was a time of freedom and leisure. No school or responsibilities; just all-around fun. As adults, summer is equally enjoyable, especially with the addition of grown-up activities like drinking. But for me, in order to enjoy summer, I have to be sober.

As a teenager, I looked forward to summer for different reasons. I experimented with drugs and alcohol frequently, and during the summer, that behavior was more acceptable. Getting high during school hours was frowned upon, but when you have no “real” responsibilities in months like July? Who cares! The first time I ever got high was at summer camp, so it always felt as if getting high in July was right.

Many summers passed. I usually worked some low-end job just to support my substance abuse. However, at 17, I began to lose friends, my family members no longer trusted me, and a lot of the time I was just getting high alone. At parties I would get so drunk, I would make a fool of myself. Stealing, lying and cheating became the norm.

As a kid, I loved wakeboarding, playing basketball or Frisbee with my friends, and spending time outdoors. But by the time I was 18, all I cared about was drugs. My use increased from smoking weed on weekends to popping prescription pills daily. I spent the entire month of July 2009 indoors, telling people it was because “it was too hot.” But really, I just wanted to get high.

While in rehab for prescription pills, I learned it's possible to have fun without drugs or alcohol. All this time I thought drugs and alcohol were the problem, but I soon realized I was the problem—I used drugs and alcohol to get away from myself. I feared everything and everyone.

After treatment, I accepted my problem, immersed myself in a maintenance program, and transformed my life completely. My first couple months of sobriety were shaky and unpleasant, honestly. But then a shift happened: I found a new sober friend group and started enjoying life like never before. I got sober in April, and by July, I was comfortable in my own skin.

Today, I am six years sober. I became sober at 19, growing up as an adult in sobriety. I thought giving up drugs and alcohol was the end of fun, but I was wrong. Toward the end, blacking out, throwing up and isolating while actively drinking and using drugs was a living nightmare. Now, six years sober, I know the true meaning of fun.

For me, this July is no different than any other month. I stay dry in July, and the rest of the year. Being sober, I found my inner kid again: I am able to wakeboard, play basketball and enjoy the outdoors. I go out on the weekend, to concerts and, occasionally, to the bar. The only difference between me and other people my age is that I prefer to stay sober 100% of the time. I wouldn't trade my life for anything—so I am staying dry all year long.

Originally published in 2017.