Not So Seasonal

I would venture to guess that the holidays bring up a swell of emotions for most people if they are really honest. The media portrays the holiday season as full of happiness, family time, shiny gifts, hot cocoa, roaring fires and the list goes on. In thinking about my own circumstances, while I love the holiday season, it also brings up a swell of emotions and feelings. This is my fourth sober holiday season.

When I was drinking and using, this season was an excuse to drink and use more, it was full of parties and cheer. I loved this time of year because everyone seemed to want to join in the festivities with me and there was always an excuse to tie one on.  Now that I am sober, I still have parties to go to, but I do it differently. I have choices. I do not have to go to every party I am invited to, I also can get their late and leave early if I feel like it. I have the freedom to make choices today.

By not numbing my feelings with alcohol and drugs, I find that I feel more deeply this time of year. It especially hits me that I am not married and that I do not have children during this time of year. I am not sure why, but I am more aware of it. Maybe it is my mailbox being filled with adorable photo cards of families (which I hang up and treasure), the Christmas pageant at church, seeing families going to buy a tree together (on Facebook), etc.  There have been times this season that I have been overcome with emotion—where I have cried my eyes out, felt incredibly alone, even hopeless, but I have to remind myself that “this too shall pass”. These moments, thankfully, do pass and I am incredibly fortunate to have a support system to turn to in these dark moments. I know that reaching out and letting a trusted friend know how I am feeling is what I need to do, as difficult as it is sometimes. It is reassuring in the dark places my mind can take me that I am not alone and that most importantly I am loved. I don’t think I felt these feelings when I was using, because I numbed myself with alcohol and drugs.  If I felt anxious about a social situation or even before going to church on Christmas Eve I would have a drink or do a line of cocaine. Now I have to feel the anxiety and the feelings and sometimes that simply sucks.

So what do I suggest for those who might be struggling, experiencing their first sober holiday season or their tenth (or any for that matter) sober holiday season in order to stay sober and enjoy the season:

1. Keep it real — feel your feelings. As they say, feelings are not facts.
2. Have a few trusted friends on speed-dial.
3. Make good choices regarding what holiday parties to attend. Think about what your motives are in going? Is it a safe, supportive crowd or will it be a drunk-fest? Do you have an exit strategy in case you are not comfortable and want to leave? Will there be non-alcoholic beverages there or do you need to bring your own?
4. Stay connected to your recovery community.
5. Surround yourself with people, places and things that support you staying sober and allow you to be your authentic self.

I just think in the midst of the bright lights and bows we all need to remember that this season can be painful and lonely for many. That being said, it can also be full of joy. It is important to try and live in balance and moderation-to avoid the high highs and the low lows, easier said than done, but hopefully these tips might help you to stay happy, healthy and most importantly sober this season.

Originally published in 2015.