Dos & Don’ts of Suspected Use

Don't...

Do... 

…search your child’s belongings without their permission, which violates their privacy and damages trust. 

…educate yourself about marijuana use, including the usage spectrum, the effects, and risks. 

...assume your child is using marijuana or you know why before having a conversation. 

…consider your own biases, judgments, and feelings about marijuana use before you have a conversation. 

...accuse or confront your child without proof, which can damage trust and make it harder to have an open conversation. 

…plan your conversation for a time when you and your child will be relaxed and can speak openly. 

…ambush your child, which can put them on the defensive and prevent them from hearing your concerns. 

…create a safe space where your child feels accepted, valued, and respected. 

…label your child as a “stoner” or equate their behavior with their value (i.e. – “you’re such a bad kid”). 

…compartmentalize your feelings, separating your emotions about the substance use from your love for your child.

…cast blame with “you” statements, like “You’re out of control,” which can make your child defensive and unreceptive. 

…use “I” statements that emphasize your care and concern, like “I’m worried,” which helps your child understand your perspective without blame or threats.

…fill the silence – instead, give yourself and your child time to cool down, process information, or collect your thoughts. 

…listen without interrupting or rehearsing your own responses in your head while your child speaks. 

…lecture or tell your child what to do, which can create an antagonistic situation. 

…stay focused on the matter at hand. 

…don’t add fuel to the fire or let your emotions get the better of you. 

…deescalate or take a break when things heated.